Dear Grandma,
I guess you really never realize what you have until it's gone.  You truly were an amazing woman.  And as I sit here on Christmas Eve in your house, I think of all that we went through over the years.  How I could talk to you, and you really understood me.  You knew how scary it was to go through all this transplant business.  You were so strong going through all of it.  I just hope that I can be as strong as you were.  There hasn't been a day that I haven't thought about you and missed you.  I know we had our disagreements, but I really do admire you.  You never once made a person feel like they weren't welcome.  Everyone considered you their Grandma, and you treated them like they were just a part of your family.

I've been dreaming about you lately.  I'm not sure what to make of the dreams, but they make it hard to sleep.  I start to miss you more, and spending this holiday without you has really made it a reality that you really aren't here anymore.  You're not just on some extended vacation to Reno, you're really gone.  But then I remember that you may not be here, but you are watching over me.  And when I feel like giving up and saying screw this whole liver thing, I think about what you'd tell me.  You wouldn't let me give up.  You would just give me encouraging words to keep moving forward.  You'd remind me that even though this road may be a tough one, the outcome is so much better.

Grandma, I love you, and I'm beginning to cry as I write this.  I know you'll see it, and I know you'll be with me throughout my life.  I just wish you were here.  I know that's selfish of me, because I know you're no longer in any pain.  You're at peace.  And now I don't know how to end this without rambling, so I guess I'll just tell you Merry Christmas.

Love,
Jamie