5am thoughts to clear my mind...

its scary to put all your fears in one place and make yourself completely vulnerable.  i feel like thats what i'm doing now.  i'm holding my breath and hoping for the best.  the future has always scared me to death, and now is no exception.  but i'm trying to learn to embrace things and be accepting of everything.  i know that everything happens for a reason.  i know that jealousy in any aspect has never been something i've struggled with, though it still sits in my mind.  i can't wait until i am just able to grasp on to that one thing that makes me happy.  as for now though, i live the thoughts swirling in my head.  i'm afraid of getting hurt by anyone.  i guess reading through my past has helped me realize that.  i need to pull my life to a hault for a second and really do something about my mind.  i need to not terrify myself that i might break again, and realize that i've got the good stuff in life right now.  so i'll just hold on right now and ride this out.  hopefully my initial intuition will be right.