she was realizing how it still had too much love in her heart, and the cracks began to seep the love out.  everything that was holding her together was slowly wearing away.  washing through out the rest of her soul.  she was happy and sad at the same time.  feeling so stuck and yearning to move forward all at once.  slowly drudging through the mud that was holding her in place.  grasping for the rope to pull herself out.  the rope that connected her to what she wanted.  it was still just out of reach.  the life she wanted to run to, and what she wanted to surround herself with.  she started to feel helpless again in her own life.  wanting to just go back to feeling what a warm embrace was like.  to have a physical life again.  her heart feeling worry.  fighting walls so much.  opening up and trying so hard to be different this time.  she just wanted to be held, and wanted to have her tears wiped from her face.  yet that was still out of reach.  there was still a long way to the end of her tunnel.