my emotions.  they're just so bottled up.  and i feel like i don't have anyone to talk to.  i can't seem to put to words what the fuck i'm feeling.  and instead i just sit here and think.  i think too much.  and when i think to much, my brain makes me sad.  i'm so fucking hard on myself.  i just wish i could see myself how others see me, and truly believe it.  not just say the words and pretend, but actually believe.

i'm so far away from what makes me feel whole, and somedays i feel like i'm losing it.

bah, i'm so tired of being a girl.  i'm so tired of being me.

i try so hard to stay strong, but i'm slowly breaking...

i'm so tired of crying every night.  i'm so tired of falling asleep alone.  hell, i'm just tired of not even being able to sleep.  i keep having these super fucked up dreams that make no sense, and they make it impossible for me to sleep.

all i want right now is to curl up and be held.  and instead i hold my pillow tight until i fall asleep cuz then i don't feel so alone.

my thoughts are really getting to me.