do i make a difference?  i dont know anymore.  somedays i think i do.  most i think i dont.  i'm just so pushed to the wayside right now, and all i can do is cry.  i dont know how to fix it, but i try.  it just seems that no matter how much love i have in my heart, its never enough.  i dunno.  i guess sometimes i just need acknowledgement that i exist.  or that i'm even important to someone.  these past few days have killed my spirit.  i've got this huge knot in my throat and i literally just feel afraid that i'm losing everything.

i'm so afraid of building my walls again.  i'm fighting not to.  but its days like today where i literally cant help it.

i've poured my heart out, and give and give.  yet, i don't get anything in return.  i feel like i'm just this big let down.  i dunno, maybe i need to go back to seeing a doctor.  because all this stuff in my head is slowly eating away at me.  i just dont know anymore.  maybe my heart and mind are wrong.  i'm just lost.


i wish someone would find me.