i wish i could put to words how i really feel.  i'm in a place that feels so right, despite the circumstances.  i just wish i could move forward and go back to being "normal jamie".  not that, that will happen anytime soon.  i dunno.  i guess i'm just in this sea of a confusing mess.  i love those friends i have left.  they mean the world to me.  but at the same time i feel as if many of them are losing their interest and time in me.  i guess i'm just downing a little.  i am being left behind in life.  i'm the last man standing, alone that is.  one day it will be different.  or maybe i should just cash in the chips now that show the future that i want and start living the future that i really see myself having.  i just dont know anymore.  i want to resent them all so badly, and i do for the most part.

it sucks to know that not many really make any time for me at all anymore.  especially now that i'm a little farther away.  i feel so out of the loop, and i just want back in.

and my current resentment points at one person.  i only ask one thing of them, and i get the "fml" answer, meaning that what i asked isnt gonna happen.  oh well.  i guess i'll just start backing out now and looking for new fences to mend, and build better friendships with those that dont do that to me.

oh well...such is my life.