love is watching someone die...

This video really hit me today.  It reminded me of so many different situations where I've felt invisible to the world.  It reminded me of how bad my depression was.

Its like no matter how much you yell and scream and cry out for attention, there is no reaction.  Its like you're invisible.  Like nobody cares.  That may not be the case, but your head fucks with you enough to make you feel that way.

There are days even now where I feel that way, but I try to not let it get to me.  I try to just keep a cool head and remind myself that its not really how it is.  To grin and bear it.  But there are days where I feel like I'm locked away and can see everyone, but they don't see me, and can't hear me.  I know that my head is messing with me, and that is so not the truth.  I know that I have people that care about me.  But, having these feelings are what make me human.

But either way, this video hits me hard every time I see it, because I know what its like to feel unheard.  I know what its like to cry out until you can't take it anymore.  To feel so numb to emotions so you take it out on yourself to see if you can feel pain anymore.  To know that you're hurting yourself just to prove to yourself that you really are alive and that you aren't invisible.  Yet when you do that, you hurt yourself worse, because you realize that you are real and that you validly feel invisible.  "Love is watching someone die.  So who's gonna watch you die?"  And you feel like nobody will watch you, and that nobody will care.  Even though that is so far from the truth.

I'm glad that I have found my way past this life style.  That I've found things to live for and be happy about.  That is what life is all about.  And I know that there will be so many people that "Watch me die," because I have many people that truly love me.